A note to friends past and present | luckypickle's Blog

Where to start.......

I'm finding it very hard to keep up a tough front, and to be quite honest I hate showing the weak side of myself. I hide, do I fake a smile, or do open myself to all the shit people on this site have thrown my way?

Those who are close know what's going on at home, and yes I did sugar coat it. But no more. Dil has been having tantrums where he smashes head hands on his head or digs at his scalp, then breaks down and cries. Or he spends hours just picking at his hands and legs. He has so many deep sores on his body that it hurts to take a bath. That's when I can actually get him to take one.

Please do NOT give me the stand by shit of 'oh you're the mom, be the boss'. Fuck that and fuck you, you have NO idea what this is like unless you have been in my shoes.

I just want my little boy back. I want to be able to take him somewhere and not have to hide in a quiet isle and rub his back until he calms down enough to stop pulling his hair. I want to not have to make him take meds daily just so he can function mentally and physically. I want to be a normal parent and FINALLY have that deep sigh of relief. I want him to know what it's like to be able to potty, be around people, not want to pick himself.....just be a happy healthy little boy. Is that so much to ask?

Right now I'm debating putting my account on vacation and disappearing. Or actually making myself come on a couple times a week to unload. I'm so lost right now.....

This Blog Entry's Comment Board (4 comments)
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Posted on 01:31AM on Nov 18th, 2012
*hugs you tight* you probably don't want to hear this but maybe meds can help him :/ my cousin has aspergers and she takes med for it and its no big deal to anyone. but maybe at least take him to a child doctor? there has to be some reason behind it. *hugs you more* we're here for ya pickle.
Posted on 01:37AM on Nov 18th, 2012
Thank you CJW. He's right now on guafacine (from his neuro doc, but they want him to see a shrink). nailed it. He does have aspergers.
Posted on 02:31AM on Nov 18th, 2012
I had completely forgot about that bro. You have just given me new found hope. Love you!!!!!
Posted on 02:25PM on Nov 18th, 2012
i dont have the words to say at the moment....without starting to cry for real............. i have forgoten what its like to be healthy minus the panic attacks, asthma, some are so less fortunate than others but maybe its time to put in someone else's hands and leave it to god even if dont believe in him. i will pray for u and ur son and continue to do so until he is healed. i love u u are my family
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